This is 37!

This is 37.   Yup, as I type this I am official 37.  What does that even mean?  Truth be told, I have no idea.  There are pros and cons to turning another year older, as with everything in life.  I don’t have a birthday week, or a birthday month, it’s not important to me and it’s not a priority what-so-ever.  What is a priority for me is that I have a day that nourishes my soul.  At this age that means acknowledgment from the people I love, and thank you all for the phone calls, messages, texts, etc. It means slowing down and taking a deep breath.  It means acknowledging and reflecting on all that is good in my life and how I came this point in my life.  I don’t need a fancy party, or a large gathering, because let’s face it, who would have to plan and organize it all?!?  ME.  On this day, I want to do and oversee as few things as possible. 

 

Here is what I know to be true at this point in my life. 

1.  I have a family that I love.  I have a husband that stands by me, encourages me and supports me.  I have two healthy, vibrant, strong willed daughters who I am truly proud of.   I have parents who have been my rocks in life, have modeled perseverance, work hard, kindness,  love and ambition.  I have a sister that has my back every time that truly matters.  I have two grandmothers still alive.  I have extended family that I trust with my hopes, dreams and my childrens’well being.  I have a village. 

2.  I have true friends.  I don’t need mean girls, or cliques, in my life.  Long gone are the days of needing to fit in or be popular.  My two friends, Amber and Ashley, stood up for me at my wedding 16 years ago and to this day, they are my most trusted confidants. They are grounding, They will call me, gently, on my shit.  And they will stand up for me every SINGLE TIME.  They are my family just as much as any blood relative.   Over the years I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and adding to my tribe of friends, who like the above support and fulfill me. They are people that I admire, aspire to be more like, find calming, uplifting and supportive.  I can honestly say, that I don’t really have toxic relationships in my life and I when I do, it’s easier to just distance myself from them. 

3.  My career.  I am proud truly proud of the work I do and all that I have accomplished.  Is there more I want to do?  Sure.  But the difference now is that I feel more confident that I can and also in the fact that learning can come in many forms, rather than just that of gaining more school experience.  While listening to Rachel Hollis’s newest book Girl Stop Apologizing, I realized that over the years I had developed more confidence in myself, in all aspects but also in my career.  She mentions that men apply for jobs if they feel they have at least 60% of the qualifications, while women wait to apply for jobs that they have 100% of the qualifications.  The issue with this is that we are ever rarely 100% qualified for anything.  I used to fall into this line of thinking often but with age I am getting better at taking risks and knowing that I can learn the things I don’t know.  The people I choose to surround myself with in my career are those who are passionate, compassionate, are both teachers and learners themselves, and are celebrate others and their own accomplishments equally. 

4.  My life.  I try to live my best life.  This past weekend my parents reminded me that I am now just a smidge older then when they arrived in Canada.  Their lives in upheaval.  Scared.  Penniless.  Without the English language.  Without normality.  Without a clear path. 

I have EVERYTHING and SO MUCH MORE than I need.  I am LUCKY.  I am GRATEFUL.  Right now, I am sitting on my porch, at my cabin, that I can afford to pay a mortgage and bills on, sure it means I have to budget and make sacrifices, but I have that choice.  I am relaxed, drinking a mug of hot tea, as my girls and their friend are settling in for the night.  I am in a safe place.  I have kind neighbors that accept me and never make me feel less than.  I am listening to the birds and can see a deer grazing in the forest just across the road. The beach is a mere 5 minute stroll from where I sit.  My life is SO GOOD and I know it.

So what’s different. 

1.  My body aches.  You guys, it really aches already.  It breaks my heart to think that I may need to hang up my running shoes, or my wakeboard up soon.  I’ve really made it a priority to try to get a handle on my back the past few months by doing physio, rolling daily, chiropractor, massage, yoga, etc. and every time I feel hopefully something just goes out of alignment, or a muscle seizes and I feel discouraged.  I am not ready to give up yet, but that’s something I am struggling deeply with.

2.  Energy.  I used to run, like full on run, on 6 or less hours of sleep.  I was game and ready for anything.  I’ve always been an early riser, but this past year, and probably the past few years, I’ve felt the energy slipping away.  I am bone tired after work.  I drag myself out of my bed to workout in the am, dreading it but knowing that is’ the only time to make it happen.  I am falling asleep at the dinner table, so I now have a 10 -15 quite time that really does the trick.  I still do a lot but I am quickly realizing I don’t have the same energy I had in my 20s and once again I am not overly comfortable with that change. 

So there are just a few random thoughts about turning a year older.  I had an amazing day at the beach with my family and a more amazing evening with our lake family in the evening.  I was showed with cake, daisy’s and one of the most creative gifts in my life, all things from 1982.  It was simple and PERFECT.