Mommy Diaries: Coming to Terms With a Diagnosis

Meet Lindsay.    I am lucky to have had an opportunity to get to know her through our book club over the past four years.  She is one of the most humble, honest, no non-sense kind of girl.  She says what she means, and means what she says. She is truly an extraordinary mom, friend and human being.  Lindsay will be a regular here on Mommy Diaries for a few extra segments. Love her to pieces.  

Coming to Terms With a Diagnosis

Looking back, my daughter, Isla, was different right away. But at the time, we didn’t notice a problem until she was 10 months old. I’ll spare you all the details but a little over a year later, after seeing multiple specialists, having done multiple tests, crying over the phone to get her into therapies and a hospital stay, we found out she has Rett Syndrome. Google it, it’s super crappy. The year that followed the diagnosis was a weird ride and a super emotional roller coaster. One that makes you sick and sometimes black out. One that refuses to stop and give you reprieve.  No, no, all you can do is get used to it.

Grieving for a child with disabilities is a confusing thing. When you are grieving a death, its definitive, there's no questions about what the future will look like without that person in it. Grieving a child with disabilities, makes you feel guilty for grieving because you love your child more than life and despite their setbacks, you think they are perfect, how can you grieve that? The first 3 months were a blur. I literally don’t remember anything other than laying in bed, nursing my baby and just crying and crying and sleeping. Rett Syndrome very quickly consumed our family.

First there’s the questions.  What did I do to cause this? How could this happen?! Then came the all consuming search for answers. Google, facebook, anyone?! Tell me what my child’s life will be like! When your baby is born, you take for granted the path they will likely assume. You know that they will more or less meet and pass milestones, they will be potty trained, will go to school, grow up and eventually move out to start their own adult life. Most people worry a little but mostly assume this is how things will go. You know what a derailed train looks like? That’s kinda how it feels finding out your daughter’s life will not go like this...like at all. Suddenly you have to come to terms with the fact that she will need 24/7 care for the rest of her life, like an infant. This is a much more loaded thought than you’d initially think…..

• There’s the heartbreaking question of who will die first? If she does, my heart will break. But, if I do, who will take care of her?!! We only have 2 kids, my older daughter may have to bury us all and then she will be alone! 

• Then you wonder, will we have to move, this house can’t accommodate a wheelchair?! 

• What will my career trajectory be now?? 

• How do you change an adult in a diaper who’s non-ambulatory on an airplane or in the grocery store?

• Are we getting her all and enough of the right services?! 

And then there’s the services… So many great things available but well, have you ever seen Labyrinth (with David Bowie)? Ya, it’s kinda like that. I had to get a bigger calendar to fit in all the appointments. It’s so frustrating to have experts tell you why these therapies are so important to implement early but then the system tells you you have to wait in line. Rage.

Others will tell you that raising a child with special needs it’s important to take care of yourself and your marriage. Sure, makes sense. Too bad you usually need to figure that out the hard way. Tell that to the mom who is just trying to put one foot in front of the other.

All that being said, step by step and with the help from a strong community of friends and family (and some pharmaceuticals) the journey is getting easier, a path forward is being revealed, there's even a little hope. It all just takes time.

Mommy Diaries: What About Life Insurance?

 

 

 

 

In March of 2017 I was 8 months pregnant with our second child.  I was also applying to keep my job amidst a significant re-org at the location I had worked at as a Professional Engineer for the last 11 years.  While I was successful at securing a position within the new structure of the organization, many individuals were not.  This experience caused me to pause. I realized that many of our family’s benefits were tied up in my employment.  What if I was laid off in my mid-40’s?  Would securing life insurance be as easy as it was when I was 25?  35? What would the premium’s cost us?  I set out to demystify life insurance so that my husband and I could ensure our family’s financial future.

 

 

 

The first time we spoke to someone about life insurance, my head felt like it was about to explode.  How much coverage should we get? What type should we get?  Term Life?  Whole life? Critical Illness – something we had never had before?  I remembered reading “The Wealthy Barber” byDavid Chilton in University for extra credit and it was easy to read and helpful.  I dusted it off and re-read Chapter 5: Wills, Life Insurance and Responsibility. The information, while basic, grounded me.  With that information, we sat down and figured out how much coverage, in a multiple of $100k, we would truly need.  One item in the book that is worth mentioning is that if you DON’T have dependents, David Chilton argues that you don’t need life insurance.  It would be like having car insurance when you don’t own a car.  He also argues that as you get older and your assets to liabilities ratio increases, that you reach a point where you are “self-insured”.  I believe acquiring a life insurance policy is a personal choice, but only those that need it should get it.  I would recommend everyone read this book, especially Chapter 5!

 

Now, the topic of Term Life versus Whole Life.  Term life is a policy that is in place for a period of 10 years, 20 years or 30 years, therefore often referred to as Term10, Term20 or Term30 respectively.  If you die while the term life policy is in place, you will receive a payout; if you don’t need it, then you don’t receive any money once the term ends. 

 

Whole life however is in place for your entire life and has a guaranteed payout at the time of your death whenever that should happen.  I can understand the appeal of this option as the thought of paying into something like a Term Life Insurance and never seeing anything at the end of it may feel like a poor investment.  However, the premiums for Whole Life are orders of magnitude larger than Term Life.  David Chilton suggests that you should buy Term and invest the difference.  If you don’t trust that you will invest the difference, then whole life can be an investment vehicle and in that case, I see the value of going that direction.

 

No discussion on life insurance should omit covering underwriting.  I want to stress that if the company you are considering does not do underwriting at the time of application, then run away, run very far away!  Underwriting is the process by which an insurance company evaluates whether you are “insurable”.  Many company’s do this at the time of application, which to me seems like the only logical time however other company’s do it at the time a claim is entered which could be decades after the individual applied for insurance.  At that time the company does their due diligence on your insurability and at that point in time they can decline you coverage.  I know that I would rather know up front if I am denied rather than thinking I am insured for decades only to find out my investment was useless and my family is not financially secure.

 

As you can see, this is a huge topic and I am already past the word count for this blog!  Before I conclude, I want to touch briefly on getting Critical Illness for your Children.  Sun Life Financial, the institution we chose to go with, offers CI for youth and at age 25, if no claim has been made, they would return 75% of the premiums paid to you.  It also triggers a turnover to your adult child to take over the policy should they choose at the same rates that were secured at the time of inception.  We also chose to apply for Critical Illness insurance for my  husband and I.  The company I work for has Short Term and Long Term Disability coverage but that only ensures Income Continuance.  CI would provide a payout of $25k/$50k/$100k or whatever level of coverage you selected.  This then gives you a significant cash flow to seek out therapies, cover extra expenses incurred due to travel for treatment, or pay for a trip of a lifetime; whatever you decide to do with that money.   

 

I have merely scratched the surface on this topic.  My personal belief is that everyone should have a stand-alone policy that is not tied to your employment if you can afford it.  The world is changing and organizations are getting leaner and re-org’s seem to be more and more prevalent.  While I was safe this time, the next time I may not be.  It relieves me to know that should my employment end with my current company, I am not going to be overwhelmed with exploring this topic when my family needs its financial future secure.

 

 

It is something I hope I never need to use, but I truly gain comfort in knowing that my family’s financial security is sound should the worst happen.

Mommy Diaries: Raising Tween Girls & Laughing About It

 

I always envisioned myself as a mom of babies, toddlers and little people.  It’s what I dreamed of for years before actually becoming a mother.  What I never really saw in my life was being a mom beyond that young age and when that happened, like anything else, I just continued to learn alongside my girls and tread new territory.  Now I have two girls who are considered “tweens”, 8-12 years of age.  How did that happen? !?  I am on both sides of this right now, Anya (8) is in the beginning of this stage and Halie (11 ½) has been in it for a while.  As with any children, my girls are very different in the ways they approach life, friends, activities, school, etc.  The changes that I am talking about are social and emotional and how they have resulted in me having to change and adapt as a mom.  Here are some things that snuck up on me and made me re-assess how things have been up to that point in our lives. 

 

 

1.      Make-up and Deodorant.  Eeek.  Phew.  It literally seemed to happen overnight.  One minute it’s that baby smell and the next you have BO.  I didn’t even know what deodorant was best for this purpose so I quickly searched online to find information and suggestions.  We settled on buying Tom’s at our local drugstore and it works really well.  The girls don’t mind the smell and I feel good knowing that it’s mostly natural.  I will also say that the BO kind of came out of nowhere and it comes and goes, and is not consistent.

 

 

Another thing that happened was we went from kids make-up, you know the Barbie flashy colors, to wanting the cover girl stuff.  At first I wasn’t really sure what my stance was and I kind try to deter Halie from it.  I quickly noticed she was going to  experiment regardless so I decided if this was what she wanted, I was better to help educate then to scold.  We  have talked about why it’s not necessary or overly good to put a bunch of make up on her face  but settled on having a natural look if she was going to wear make-up.  I also took the opportunity to introduce some new products for washing her face daily, including the MakeUp Eraser cloth and Cetaphil gentle cleanser.  Another thing to consider is who pays for the make-up?  We’ve decided that   make-up is an extra and is not our responsibility but she is welcome to use her allowance money on it if she chooses to. 

 

 

 

 

2.     Phones & Technology.  Hmm.  Remember land lines?  Yeah.   We finally decided to ditch ours and within 8 months we realized that Halie was wanting to stay connected with her friends outside of school hours.  So what do you do?  Some kids have tablets, some iPads, some phones.  We were totally unsure of what to do, so we have gone through a mix of things to be honest.  Sometimes she borrows our phone for talking on (this is very rare as that’s not really how they communicate much), uses text or snapchat with friends.  We have been approached for an IG account which at this point we have declined her for.  Thoughts?  Technology use is a big one, so it’s worth having a conversations with your spouse around this.   We have discovered that keeping an open mind and assessing things as they happen works best for us, we rarely say no to things forever, but have said ‘no’ for right now. 

 

 

3.     Birthday Parties!  Good news.  The over the top, large, full of screaming and running children, birthday parties are just about behind you.  When the girls were younger we invited EVERYONE.  The more the merrier concept.  No excluding people, etc.  By the end of grade 2 and beginning of grade 3, you will notice your children begin to form closer ties to smaller amounts of people.  They still play and include others, but they form some stronger relationships based on their own personality and interests.   The good news is that birthday parties become more exclusive and smaller.  The bad news is they want SLEEPIOVERS!

 

4.     Toys.  This is a good sag-way into the types of toys you buy.  I find we are no longer going to Toys R Us regularly and honestly the last time I was on their website/store was Christmas time.  Toys become less and less desirable, though Anya still enjoys getting little toys such as LOLs.  Baby dolls, even Barbie’s, kitchen stuff, dress-up, etc. are for the most part gone.   The one thing that both of my girls still enjoy are stuffies (insert eye-roll) and their American Girl dolls.  Anya (8) still does play with toys but I know her days are numbered (this makes me terribly sad), but Halie pretty much entertains herself with make-up, her friends, writing, reading, playing card/board games, etc.  One thing that I will say that they still completely engage in is playing and creating with loose parts.   They love being creative and building things using blocks, marbles, gems, craft supplies, natural materials.  Just the other day the girls constructed a habitat for caterpillars, they love building forts in the woods by our cabin, or creating Goldberg rubrics.  If you need gift ideas for tweens check out my suggestions here and here. 

 

 

5.     Grunting as a form of communication & mood swings.  Hahaha.  Laugh people because it’ll keep you sane.  Your sweet child will be just that, SWEET one minute and grunting, stomping, eye-rolling, the next.  “Grrr.”  “I know mom.” “I hate you.”  Those are actually words of love and understand that if you are not receiving these sounds/phrases, then you might be failing as a parent in fact.  Here is the thing.  They are just figuring stuff out and you are too.  Once I was able to come to terms that I wasn’t there BFF and that wasn’t really my role, I was able to focus my attention on what I feel my job is, to help them be the best versions of themselves right now and in the future.  So sometimes it’s my job to say or be unpopular for the moment, but I always explain the WHY of our choices.  Sometimes I don’t do it right in the moment, if it seems heated or my child doesn’t want to hear it, but then I talk to them when things are calmer.

 

 

There are many more things that I can write about but I’d love to hear your stories of parenting.  If you would like to write a blog post on something you’ve experienced, regardless of your child’s age, at some point in the future I’d love to hear from you or write in the comments below.  Thanks for stopping by.

Mommy Diaries: Life of a Single Mom

I am writing this post the night before it’s due because it wouldn’t be a true reflection of my life had I completed it any sooner. I am single mother to a ferocious brilliant firecracker of a six year old who challenges me with more than I ever realized I had the capacity to handle.

 

 

I write this as he sits beside me, refusing to go to bed.  I write this at the end of an exhausting day where he stayed home with me while I worked because it was his first day on the new kind of medication he is taking.  

I write this because he has unleashed a level of attitude I have not been prepared for. And I write this, because as parents we are in this together.

 

My name is Jodi and I am a mother, a baker, a chef, a yogi, a teacher, and a working professional.  Sometimes, rarely, I am the person I was before I had a child.   I am trying to define what “I”  looks like now with so much of myself dedicated to so many different  roles to act out. 

 

 

 

I am blessed to work from home and make my own hours working for a non profit organization providing homestay opportunities for international students studying in Saskatoon. I also teach yoga, it’s my passion, my fitness and quite frankly my mental health medicine.

 

 

 

 

I have a penchant for cakes and bake to my heart’s content in my tiny kitchen, making pretty things that taste divine. Sometimes this is my side hustle for a little extra money.

 

I also love to cook and before I had my son I was obsessed with reading about Le Cordon Bleu in France, but not obsessed enough to incur more student loans after having just paid them off from university. Now I cook to create warmth and social connections around our dinner table, often inviting friends to stay and join us for a meal.

 

 

 

My sweet boy was diagnosed with ADHD, it’s been a long road with beautiful supportive friends holding me up, opinionated educators judging me loudly for not doing enough, and health care providers commending me for all that I have done. This world of parenting has taught me to use my voice, and it took a long time to use it loudly, to advocate for my child, to love him through tears (both his and my own), and to embrace new paths where I was nervous to take them.

 

We have started a new school, we are becoming a part of a new community and we have been welcomed and supported in our new adventure.

 

 

 

Sometimes I get grouchy, I cry, I complain and feel as though I can’t possibly take another day. Sometimes I float, I get my hair done, I have coffee with a friend, I go to a sweaty yoga class, I drink a glass of red wine, and I watch This Is Us so I can cry just a little bit more. My life is messy, it’s beautiful, it’s blessed.  My life is with a sweet six year old boy who is always in my arms when I need a hug and a kiss. 

Mommy Diaries: My Kid Has Food Allergies . . . Now what?

The second installment of the Mommy Diaries Series comes to you from my friend Heather, check the first article here.  Heather is a full-time working mother to two lovely children, Anna and Niall.  She is a positive and extremely reflective individual.  I am always drawn to her calming presence and she challenges me to always live in the moment and to not take anything in my life for granted.  I am thrilled to have her as a guest blogger here today to share her story.

The Harsh Reality

        They say ignorance is bliss. Looking back, I’m just thankful my ignorance did not cost my son his life. As a baby learning to eat, he’d spit out muffins, pancakes, and cookies. “Wow, what a good eater my son is. He doesn’t have a sweet tooth,” I’d tell myself. I remember trying to get him to eat scrambled eggs. His sister loved scrambled eggs, but oh no, not my son. His stubbornness amazed me as he’d seal his lips with a strong and determined force. “What a kid, he’s so strong-willed!” I’d think. I followed all the baby advice from health care professionals about the ages and stages of what to feed my baby. I hadn’t gotten around to trying to give him peanut butter by the time his first birthday rolled around. Looking back now, I guess that last month before his first birthday I was a little distracted with his new vomiting thing (which I’m sure I chalked up to teething or him just having caught a bug). Now I look back and shudder at my ignorance.

        My son’s first birthday party is when it all made sense. The light came on and “food allergy” became a real thing to us. We had a house full of people, food on the bbq, salads and snacks on the island and an adorable bumble-bee cake ready to be devoured by my one year old. We all fussed over my sweet little boy who was sitting in his high chair, elbow deep in potato salad. All of a sudden he was covered head to toe in a rash! One of our guests happened to be a nurse. She said to give him Benedryl. Okay, Benadryl given and rash subsided. The party must go on! “Here baby boy have some yummy birthday cake!” Within moments he was vomiting all over his high chair. Needless to say, the party did not go as planned. The next day I was on the phone to the doctor to book an appointment. Could it be? Was it possible for my son to have a food allergy?

Learning to Accept Life with Food Allergies

        My husband and I had heard of food allergies. I’d taught kids with food allergies. Some of our closest friends have severe food allergies. But neither my husband nor I had ever been directly impacted by the reality of living with food allergies. Wow! What a wake-up call it was!  After getting our son tested for an egg allergy we found out he also had a peanut allergy that was much more severe than the egg allergy. Although peanut allergies seem to be more and more common these days, I had absolutely no idea what living with food allergies meant and how it would alter the way I approach food for the rest of my life.

        Learning my kid had life-threatening allergies sure kicked my mothering worry gene into full force. At first, I was confused as to what this meant for him and our family. How could this happen to him and not my daughter? What did I do differently during pregnancy? Would we ever eat in a restaurant again? And on and on and on . . . As I was learning how to do deal with all the confusion and worrying, there were also moments of sheer panic when I realized I was seconds away from feeding my kid something that I’d forgotten to read the label of! It was no easy feat learning to take the time to read the labels of every single sauce, spice, side dish, and baking ingredient.

        At first, I missed peanuts, a lot! I longed for my care-free food choices and resented not being able to eat nuts or eggs. Much of my early struggle with navigating this new world of ‘food allergy’ was about me and my selfish ways. I didn’t want to change, but I knew I had to because it was what was needed for my son. The fact that I was responsible for what foods entered his body was somewhat daunting. However, I soon came to terms with the fact that food allergies were a part of our life. I learned to educate myself about label checking and contamination. Paying attention to every single food helped us and it’s really the only way to ensure you’re successful.

Cross-Contamination and May Contain . . . Labels

        We had a scare when my son was three.  According to the doctor it was an allergy mistake. To this day we still have no idea what caused it. The only thing we can think of is that something he ate was cross contaminated. It was honestly the scariest day of my life as a mom. I hope that none of you ever have to go through giving your child and epi-pen and a trip to Emergency. As for the labels that say may contain traces of . . . Many people say this is the company’s way of covering their butts and that it’s probably fine. Um . . . hello?! . . . That may be true. Other people may have a higher tolerance of risk-taking than I do, but I say, “thank you!” In my opinion this is the company’s way of potentially saving my child’s life from cross-contamination! I most definitely stay away from food that says may contain traces of peanuts. I’m not willing to gamble my son’s life on a label or on the words “probably fine.”

5 Things to Stay Away from that may be Cross-contaminated:

1.       Baking by anyone, except mom or grandma (includes bakeries)

2.      Anything bought or stored in bulk

3.      Slotted candy machines

4.      Hand-made candy packages

5.      Pot-luck anything

6 Tips You Need to Follow When You’re Learning to Live with Food Allergies:

1.       Get over it. Get used to the fact that no matter how prepared you are there are going to be disappointments. Your child will cry that others are allowed something he / she’s not. Please remember that you, as the parent, will not be able to have everything you once used to have too. Oh well, it’s better than a trip to the emergency room (and believe me that’s not fun!) Communicate with your child and guide them through your thinking. The more times you explain the circumstances and reality of food allergies to your child, the more he / she will grow to accept it too.

2.      Talk about it. You are your child’s best advocate in every area of life. At daycare, at birthday parties, at the beginning of every school year and new sports season mention your child’s allergies to the teachers, coaches and other parents. Have an epi-pen ‘dummy’ on hand to teach babysitters, teachers and anyone else who wants to know how to use the epi-pen. Talking about it is imperative to keeping your child safe, especially in the early years. 

3.      Always Ask. Teach your child to ask before they eat and to always err on the side of caution if he /she’s unsure.4.   Trust with caution. I’m the first to admit I do not want to bubble-wrap my kid. However, you need to realize that not everyone will fully understand what the implications of a food allergy are.

5.      Be prepared. Think ahead and save yourself and others unnecessary worry. You can’t expect others to put your needs at the forefront of their thoughts. Cupcakes in the freezer are helpful for birthday parties, a baggie of treats sent to school at the beginning of the year is helpful for miscellaneous treat days and a packed lunch kit is perfect for potlucks or play dates.

6.      Carry the dang epi-pen. We bought a neoprene epi-pen belt from http://www.kozygo.ca/ that my son wears every day. It is peace of mind for me to know that in a school with hundreds of kids and numerous supervisors that he always has his life saving medicine on him, should he need it. The visible pouch allows him to be noticed by his peers and to have conversations with them about why he needs to carry it.

After 5 years of living with food allergies I’d say my son is well on his way to being a confident and independent little human who understands that his allergies are his. He may not like them and it may not be fair, but he knows what he has to do to keep himself safe. And as his mom, I take the responsibility of teaching him how to safely navigate through life very seriously.

Mommy Diaries: Highs and Lows of Mother-Daughter Relationships

   

     Hi everyone.  This is the first of twelve installments of the Mommy Diaries here on the blog.  This idea has been  simmering  in my head for about a year and a half, maybe two, and over the holidays I had an opportunity to really think deeply about it.  I wanted my friends from all different walks of life, different stages of motherhood, and from different family structures to share their stories with others.  All of the individuals I reached out to are women, and mothers, that I respect and have in some way guided me into becoming a better mother.  They will share various bits and pieces of their lives the last Wednesday of each month.  I am installment number one.

    The Highs and Lows of Mother-Daughter Relationships

     I struggled with what to write about today, I have so many themes and topics in mind, but topic just poured out of me as I sat to write.  It really stemmed from the post I wrote celebrating my daughters 11^th birthday, see here.  I wrote that post with such pride, joy and ease.  It reminded me of how our relationship has ebbed and flowed over the years, the highs and the lows.  I remember moments of the past, especially around the toddler years and then again when we were struggling with reading, that it felt like our relationship was threatened, that I wasn’t being a good mom, like we were drifting apart.  What I know now is that those moments are just little fragments of time, and though at the time they felt like eternity.  I am writing this post as honestly as I possibly can, exposing my highs and lows of motherhood. Before you continue I want to tell you that this is a happy story, in which I learn that the investment we make as mothers really does pay off over time and that the cloudy days will turn into clear and sunny ones. Let's go down memory lane.
  

My Dreams Come True 

     We were over the moon excitement that our first baby would be arriving in January 2007!!!!  I was 24 years old and fresh out of university.  I had been dreaming of being a mom for years and had full-on romanticized the role.  My little girl and I were going to be best friends.  We were going to spend endless hours laughing, acting silly, crafting, playing dress-up and dolls.  I would never be annoyed with this perfect little person.  We were going to grow to be just like the Gilmore Gils, Lorelai and Rory.

    

     The Good and The Hard

     For the most part that was true until Halie turned 2 1/2 years old and she became more and more difficult.  We thought we had escaped the "terrible twos" but the “*uckin' threes” were like a hurricane through our house.  She would kick, scream, hit, throw, etc. Looking back  at this now I know this was 

     a) totally normal and
b) just her way of trying to figure out how to deal with her own emotions. 
My perfect little girl had become extremely difficult to deal with and our special times often ended with both of us feeling depleted.   Baby #2 came just before Halie turned three and our relationship got harder as I struggled to communicate with her, to provide her with the time and guidance she needed and deserved.  Logan and Halie grew closer during the first few months after baby and I felt both jealous and relieved by their growing bond.   

After a few months we found our groove again and Halie began growing out of her tantrums.  We were able to return to spending quality time together by doing little things such as music classes, swimming lessons, library programs, crafting, etc.  During the  second half of my maternity leave, I once again felt like I was doing “mother-hood” pretty well and our relationship normalized (whatever that means).

 School Work

     Halie entered school as kind, generous, friendly, outgoing girl that enjoyed school, but then she began to struggle.  We switched from French to English at the end of grade 1 and naturally it became my job  to teach her to read.  She had become withdrawn and self-conscious throughout grade one about school work so working on reading put a strain on our relationship once again.  Coming home after school, both of us drained from the day, and then working on more "school" stuff was though on both of us.  It was a tough half a year, filled with tears, hardships and insecurity, but THE BEST TIME INVESTMENT.  With support from her teachers, our work at home, she began to regain her confidence and her love for learning.

 Don’t Give Up

     That was the last really difficult time we've had in our relationship. Since Halie has become a tween, it seems our relationship just keeps getting better and better.  We share many of the same interests such as our love for animals, enjoyment for reading and discussing our books, dancing around and crafting.   We’ve had many opportunities to enjoy new adventures together such as snowboarding, going on roller coasters, swimming with the dolphins, going shopping, coffee dates, etc.  I am excited, and a little apprehensive, about what awaits me as a mother of teenage girls but I know that our relationship can withstand any storm.  As the end of the day I always want my girls to know that I love them, that they can rely on me.

 

 Tips for Growing Your Relationship

1.      Say sorry.  If you do or say something you regret, make the first move and lead by example. 

2.     Communicate.  This goes with the above, but take time to communicate your feelings to your child by saying, “this made me feel….”.  Also remember to communicate those feelings all the time, when something is going perfectly and when you are struggling.

3.     Learn about their interests.  It’s easy to talk to a child that has similar interests  but learn about the things that they love.  Halie loves horses so I go to the stable with her and allow her to teach me.  It’s the greatest experience to be taught something new by your child, you will see them in a whole knew light.

4.     Quality Time.  I try to spend some special quality time with each child on their own.  I know this is often difficult but I just have it built into my calendar. Last year Halie and I had a coffee date once a month after I picked her up from dance.  This year we have decided that we would read a book together and discuss it.

5.     Check-in every day.  We do a family check-in every night at supper.  Something great, something difficult and a goal for the next day.

6.     Tell them you love them.  I make a point of looking right into their eyes, pausing and telling them I love them, so that it’s not just words but they know they have weight and meaning.  

I will leave you with a slideshow of some of my favorite photos of Halie and me.  Join my friend Heather for the next installment of Mommy Diaries on Wednesday, Feb. 28th.