Wednesday 1 June 2016

Half- Marathon: Dealing with Disappointment

Heartbreak.  Disappointment.  Despair.  Devastation.  Crushed.  Anger.  Frustration.  Bruised ego.  These are the feelings that I felt on Sunday, May 29th following the Sask Marathon.  I ran the 21.1 km.  I trained 6 days/week for 14 weeks.  I put my body through up to 54km of running a week, plus a cross training session each week.  I worked through IT band pain and 5:30 am wake up calls.  I had emotional highs and lows throughout the training process.  I felt STRONG and on fire more than once.  I felt 100% sure that I would achieve my personal best because all of my runs were at a way faster pace then my previous races, and that was after my legs had already ran 30 + km during the week.  I didn't feel 100% confident about  know if I'd achieve my goal of 2:02:00 but I honestly I never thought I wouldn't achieve my personal best (not to sound stuck up, I just felt really prepared).


The week before the race we went to Calgary and I got sick with a cold.  Fever, congestion, aches.  I powered through and made the best of our time there.  Leading up to the race, I did my 5km runs but just didn't feel good and had trouble breathing.  The congestion got worse and the day of the race was effecting me.  I ran hard out of the gate, meeting my goal time but having trouble getting air into my lungs, it seemed to just get stuck in my throat.  I tried to push through but started falling apart around 13 km.  I tried to take my gels for energy, as I had in training, but couldn't keep it down.  The course was hilly and hot.  I started feeling over heated and out of breath.  Once I started taking walk breaks, I just couldn't get back to my pace.  The closer I came to realizing that I was getting away from my goal, the more I fell apart mentally.  I was frustrated, annoyed with myself, and at the same time I just wanted to stop.  I couldn't find my "happy place" or my "happy home" for the rest of the race.  I stopped several times over the next 8 km and  I finished the race at 2:09:07, pretty close to a personal worst. :( 

Now this is not to make anyone feel bad about any time they have ever achieved.  In my heart I believe any distance that you walk/run, is an accomplishment and something to be proud of.  My first half-marathon was 2:10:00 and I was extremely proud.  My second one was 2:06:59 and I was once again ecstatic.  Both times I met my goal, this time I didn't and I was just so sad about it. 


Let's talk about the positive things. I loved the clinic  and I met personal bests time after time in my training schedule. I I trained with a great group of people, but more importantly I strengthened my friendship with a work colleague that I had been running with prior to the training.  We pushed each other for 14 weeks.  We kept each accountable.  We encouraged each other through our tough times and celebrated with each other when we met new milestones.   Here is the quote that I have been holding onto over the past few days. 


My amazing husband completely supported me throughout the training process.  He picked up the slack at home and got the girls ready most mornings while I was out running and then getting myself ready for work.  They all came out to cheer me on, as did my dad and my in-laws.  My friends on Facebook cheered me on and gave me pats on the back after the race and really helped me get out of my funk.  I also had my daughter Halie to celebrate as she stepped on the stage for her 2nd dance recital.  She shone brightly and I was able to put my race into perspective.  I am a healthy, happy and fortunate woman, who has nothing to pout about.  My life is good. 

My little cheerleaders. 

How can I have a bad day watching this girl shinning brightly on her special day? 

Today, I dragged myself out of bet at 5:30 a.m. and joined the Sweat Squad for an intense workout.  If you live in  Saskatoon, the Sweat Squad is a boot camp style class, that is FREE and meets every Wednesday 6:00- 6:45 a.m. down by the river.  Look them up on Facebook for locations.  My pity party is over and I am moving on.  I might do another half at the beginning of September, Queen City Marathon, but I might not.  A few girls and I are going to do 10km  in Waskesiu and make it a girls weekend.  I know that I want to enjoy my summer and return to running for the love of it, without the any pressure (which is only created by me). 

Sweat squad, 6;00 a.m. workout.


If you are doing something you love to stay healthy and strong, I'd love to hear about it. 


  1. Even though I think what you accomplished is amazing, I appreciate that it wasn't what you hoped for. There is grieving in that and I like your honesty about it.

    I have started running again. I haven't done a great job of committing the last two weeks. I have been trying to run 3 km three times a week. Not much, but a start. I want to enjoy it (at some point!) and maybe even run a 5 km race in the fall. We shall see! I haven't been able to find a race, yet, so we'll see.

  2. Way to go Jordan. Running isn't for everyone and it certainly isn't a lot of fun at the beginning but when you start feeling stronger/having fun, it becomes contagious. Do you run by yourself? I have really enjoyed having a running buddy and it's been so good for the accountability piece of it. A few girls and I are going to go up to Waskesiu to the Outer Limits run. It's a tough course but always a good time from what I have heard. If you are interested at some point at joining us let me know. There is a 5km and 10km, check out the link in the post.

  3. But way to go for still doing it- I would have totally wimped out.

    1. Thanks Deena. I am sure you would have gone and done it as well. You strike me as someone who likes to see things through once you commit to something.

  4. That sweat squad looks like fun! I wish we had something like that out here...good work on going! I don't know if I would have in the same situation as you. Next time you'll do better! :)

    1. Thanks. Our city is getting better and better at providing free fitness in our community.

  5. I get the frustration of not meeting your goal so I don't want to take away from that but I'm so impressed that you still did it even getting over sickness and not feeling your best. That's an accomplishment in itself. Heck, I'm dying after 5km so I can't even fathom runnning this long! lol