Halie Currently: The Teen Edition

I have a TEENAGER!  Officially today, I have a thirTEEN year old in the house.  How did that happen?  I don't really know.  Gone in a flash.  I remember Logan and I bringing her home in January 2007.   So dang cold, in our Mustang, that of course had no winter tires because we were barely paying our mortgage and bills on one income.  We installed the car seat, or so we thought.  When we looked back to check on her, we found the bucket tilled completely to the one side, with our newborn happily and safely strapped into it sleeping away.  We didn't know at the time that if you didn't have automatically locking seat belts, that you needed this extra clip installed on the seat belt that wouldn't let it move as the car took turns.  I could say it's just we were so young we didn't know better, which partially true but also, I am older now and I am still hitting bumps along the way as a mom.  It's life.   Even through all the mistakes we've made along the way, I am proud to say that Halie  is turning into a lovely young lady.  Sure, the teen-age-ness is annoying at times, I think more so than the tantrums of a three year old,, but that's all perspective isn't it.   Halie is caring, thoughtful, mature, and persistent.  She looks after her friends, she loves her family and works very hard to achieve goals she has set.  

Let's look at Halie as a of right now.

Currently.....

Wearing, mom jeans!  Hahahahaha.  And Lululemon leggings.  Also she has been borrowing more or my things.

Reading, she is really into the Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins series, which  I am also a huge fan of so it gives us something to talk about.  Thank you Mrs. Kelleher for introducing her to this series.  She is an off/on reader.  Sometimes reading a ton and other times barely at all.  We aren't good at scheduling time for them to read anymore as they've gotten older, we read in front of them all the time but.... Anyway if you have thoughts or tips on growing teenage readers, by all means send them my way.

Extra curricular, horseback riding in the fall and spring, and that continues to be her favorite.  She is also loving her dance classes this year and is looking forward to competition season.  She is currently in jazz, lyrical and ballet.  On Thursdays Halie continues to volunteer at the Sherbrook Community Center in which she attended in grade six as a student.  She enjoys being with the elders and helping with their day program on Thursdays.

Watching, Stranger Things over and over and over again.  Also, Friends and recently was given permission to watch Riverdale.

Listening to Shawn Mendes.  We went to the Shawn Mendes concert this past summer and his music has been on repeat ever since. 

Thinking she wants to pursue,  veterinarian school or a path that involves working and caring for animals.  If you know someone that could speak to her about the various options and pursuits she would love to hear from you.

Obsessed with coffee, like french vanilla, coffee with flavored cream, 1/2 hot chocolate 1/2 coffee combo.  Hmm, as a parent we weren't sure how we felt about this, but with my coffee habits also starting young  I don't feel in any position to judge.  (Is this the hill I wan to die on?  A question I ask myself daily with a tween and a teen)

Happy 13th birthday to my first born.  

"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I am living,
my baby you'll be."

- Robert Munch

Growth & Pride: Halie From 11 to 12

Growth and Pride. 

 

Tanner is still her first love and he made it on her birthday cake this year.

Their birthdays are just one week apart, so they share a party and a cake each year.

 

Growth.  Pride.  These are the two words that come to mind when I reflect on Halie's past year.   Last year when Halie turned 11, she was still teetering that line between my little girl and that next step.  She checked in often.  She picked up a doll here and there.  She sought out our permission and advice.  She showed her insecurities.  One year later  and I am so proud of the maturing she has done.  Let's take a peek at the year and start out with the most typical coming of age changes, to the biggest impact.

 

1.  Babysitting.  Halie took a babysitters course last winter, shortly after turning 11.  This was a big step for her that I encouraged her to pursue (more like pushed, but you know).  She went without a friend to the course and learned a lot.  Through experience with her sister and support from friends who offered her some experience with their little ones, she picked up some hours and started feeling more comfortable.  Now she babysits pretty often and is earning her own $$$.

 

First job!!!!

 

2.  $$$.  Speaking of $, Halie has developed some pricy habits such as discovering Starbucks.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree as I discovered flavored coffee (more sugar than coffee) early on as well, but I wasn't about to hand her cash to spend on such things.  Make-up, coffee, extra clothing,  body lotions, etc. she has taken on buying herself.  Babysitting money is coming in handy and I am happy to let her start to make decisions on what is worth spending money on, what is worth saving up for.  Slow and steady she is managing it all really well and even has offered to pay (half and half) for private horseback riding lessons.  I am pretty proud of her.

 

Mother-daughter date.  She treated me with her Starbucks GC.

3.  Friends and communication.  Yup.  In my day, that meant I was tieing up the only phone line we had for hours.  No calls were coming in or going out.   Fast forward to 2017, our kids now communicate via chats, FaceTime, something called Musically (????), etc., you get it.   How do we deal with it?  Well we just take it one step at a time.  We learn alongside her.  We try to stay open to new suggestions and new ways, as long as she can explain the  purpose to us.  Sometimes we say yes, sometimes we say no.  One rule is not negotiable is that we have absolute access to all technololgy.  She still has to ask us when she wants to use it and there is a limit to how much.  She has a phone, but no data, and it's use is also limited and not prermitted during family time.  We feel fortunate that we have gotten to know her friends.  We have them over.  We connect and text with their parents.  We feel comfortable with all of them.  It's a great feeling.  When the girls come over they no longer need crafts or games  to be entertained.  They don't play with toys instead they talk.  They listen to music.  They do hair and make-up.  They are kind and respectful.  There is little girl drama and usually Halie is pretty open about it.  Honestly, we feel really good right now.

Best group of friends.

 

3.  New Experiences!  This is the BIGGEST one of all.  Halie not only took on a new experience this school year, but she sought it out herself.  My insecure, hold back until I know I am going to do it right, girl took initiative and voiced her desires to apply for a special program in our city.  This grade six program runs out of a community center for elders, who may have disabilities and/or special health needs.  The students who apply and are selected by a lottery system, learn from the elders that live in the center.  They listen to their stories, they seek academic help, but also participate in various clubs taught and led by the elders, along with many community experiences that they may not have had access to in regular programming.  It's truly a citizenship and humanities based learning program. This has been the greatest gift to Halie thus far in her life.  We have seen confidence, humility, compassion, empathy, realization, motivation, respect, understanding, all grow from this experience.  She has befriended not only new peers, but the elders, and has created a special bond with one particular elder.  When I went for a visit,  Halie prepped me in the most mature and companionate way.  She explained that some elders are difficult to understand when they speak, but to be patient, to take time to talk to them just like you would your friends, to sit with them, to laugh with them, and to just be.  I was so moved by her leadership and openness, and as I began to meet the elders, I was once again filled with pride.  As the  elders described my daughters characteristics, the love, respect, and friendship that they have built with her, I was moved me to point of tears threatening to come up to the surface.  I couldn't have asked for a better education, because my daughter is not only a kinder human being, but also one that's aware and more open to learn from people who have led a  different life than her.

 

Loving all the elderly in our lives.

Baka and great-baka.

Halie with Muzerka.  She loves him so much.

Her first horse show earned her a first place, 2nd place and a couple of third places.

Finding her own fashion sense.

Finding out that her heart is big enough for two dogs. 

 

So with that, I am beyond proud to be her mother.  I am in awe of the young person she is becoming and I know that her heart of gold will continue to grow and to reach out to others.  I feel confident that she will strive to make her life, our home, and her community, a better place.

Mommy Diaries: Highs and Lows of Mother-Daughter Relationships

   

     Hi everyone.  This is the first of twelve installments of the Mommy Diaries here on the blog.  This idea has been  simmering  in my head for about a year and a half, maybe two, and over the holidays I had an opportunity to really think deeply about it.  I wanted my friends from all different walks of life, different stages of motherhood, and from different family structures to share their stories with others.  All of the individuals I reached out to are women, and mothers, that I respect and have in some way guided me into becoming a better mother.  They will share various bits and pieces of their lives the last Wednesday of each month.  I am installment number one.

    The Highs and Lows of Mother-Daughter Relationships

     I struggled with what to write about today, I have so many themes and topics in mind, but topic just poured out of me as I sat to write.  It really stemmed from the post I wrote celebrating my daughters 11^th birthday, see here.  I wrote that post with such pride, joy and ease.  It reminded me of how our relationship has ebbed and flowed over the years, the highs and the lows.  I remember moments of the past, especially around the toddler years and then again when we were struggling with reading, that it felt like our relationship was threatened, that I wasn’t being a good mom, like we were drifting apart.  What I know now is that those moments are just little fragments of time, and though at the time they felt like eternity.  I am writing this post as honestly as I possibly can, exposing my highs and lows of motherhood. Before you continue I want to tell you that this is a happy story, in which I learn that the investment we make as mothers really does pay off over time and that the cloudy days will turn into clear and sunny ones. Let's go down memory lane.
  

My Dreams Come True 

     We were over the moon excitement that our first baby would be arriving in January 2007!!!!  I was 24 years old and fresh out of university.  I had been dreaming of being a mom for years and had full-on romanticized the role.  My little girl and I were going to be best friends.  We were going to spend endless hours laughing, acting silly, crafting, playing dress-up and dolls.  I would never be annoyed with this perfect little person.  We were going to grow to be just like the Gilmore Gils, Lorelai and Rory.

    

     The Good and The Hard

     For the most part that was true until Halie turned 2 1/2 years old and she became more and more difficult.  We thought we had escaped the "terrible twos" but the “*uckin' threes” were like a hurricane through our house.  She would kick, scream, hit, throw, etc. Looking back  at this now I know this was 

     a) totally normal and
b) just her way of trying to figure out how to deal with her own emotions. 
My perfect little girl had become extremely difficult to deal with and our special times often ended with both of us feeling depleted.   Baby #2 came just before Halie turned three and our relationship got harder as I struggled to communicate with her, to provide her with the time and guidance she needed and deserved.  Logan and Halie grew closer during the first few months after baby and I felt both jealous and relieved by their growing bond.   

After a few months we found our groove again and Halie began growing out of her tantrums.  We were able to return to spending quality time together by doing little things such as music classes, swimming lessons, library programs, crafting, etc.  During the  second half of my maternity leave, I once again felt like I was doing “mother-hood” pretty well and our relationship normalized (whatever that means).

 School Work

     Halie entered school as kind, generous, friendly, outgoing girl that enjoyed school, but then she began to struggle.  We switched from French to English at the end of grade 1 and naturally it became my job  to teach her to read.  She had become withdrawn and self-conscious throughout grade one about school work so working on reading put a strain on our relationship once again.  Coming home after school, both of us drained from the day, and then working on more "school" stuff was though on both of us.  It was a tough half a year, filled with tears, hardships and insecurity, but THE BEST TIME INVESTMENT.  With support from her teachers, our work at home, she began to regain her confidence and her love for learning.

 Don’t Give Up

     That was the last really difficult time we've had in our relationship. Since Halie has become a tween, it seems our relationship just keeps getting better and better.  We share many of the same interests such as our love for animals, enjoyment for reading and discussing our books, dancing around and crafting.   We’ve had many opportunities to enjoy new adventures together such as snowboarding, going on roller coasters, swimming with the dolphins, going shopping, coffee dates, etc.  I am excited, and a little apprehensive, about what awaits me as a mother of teenage girls but I know that our relationship can withstand any storm.  As the end of the day I always want my girls to know that I love them, that they can rely on me.

 

 Tips for Growing Your Relationship

1.      Say sorry.  If you do or say something you regret, make the first move and lead by example. 

2.     Communicate.  This goes with the above, but take time to communicate your feelings to your child by saying, “this made me feel….”.  Also remember to communicate those feelings all the time, when something is going perfectly and when you are struggling.

3.     Learn about their interests.  It’s easy to talk to a child that has similar interests  but learn about the things that they love.  Halie loves horses so I go to the stable with her and allow her to teach me.  It’s the greatest experience to be taught something new by your child, you will see them in a whole knew light.

4.     Quality Time.  I try to spend some special quality time with each child on their own.  I know this is often difficult but I just have it built into my calendar. Last year Halie and I had a coffee date once a month after I picked her up from dance.  This year we have decided that we would read a book together and discuss it.

5.     Check-in every day.  We do a family check-in every night at supper.  Something great, something difficult and a goal for the next day.

6.     Tell them you love them.  I make a point of looking right into their eyes, pausing and telling them I love them, so that it’s not just words but they know they have weight and meaning.  

I will leave you with a slideshow of some of my favorite photos of Halie and me.  Join my friend Heather for the next installment of Mommy Diaries on Wednesday, Feb. 28th.  

Halie the Tween Turns 11!

My baby girl turns 11 tomorrow (Jan. 25)!  Some days I don't even know how we got here so quickly.  BLINK and 11 years has gone by.  I would say this year is the first year in a long time that I haven't anticipated her birthday with bitter-sweetness.  I have finally come to terms with leaving the toddler and little girl years behind and really embracing my girls new stage of life.  They are both now considered to be "tweens" (defined as 8-12 years of age).  Halie is at such a fantastic age and I am finding that our bond is actually getting stronger as a result of us being able to experience so many new things together.  Let's take a peak at 11 highlights of Halie at as she turns eleven.

1.     Horses.  We caved and enrolled Halie into horseback riding at a local stable.  Halie’s favorite places in the world is the stable.  She loves to be surrounded by  horses and people who share her passion.  In the future she would like to live on a farm and help care for animals, so if you know of any nice, 11-13 year old, farm boys….

2.      Tanner.   Halie and Tanner have been inseparable since he entered our home 9 years ago.  She loves him with her whole heart and they have a special bond.  

3.       Guinea Pigs.  More animals.  Halie desperately wanted to add guinea pigs to our household this year.  She did a ton of research on them for a school project and created an amazing video, below.  She received an Excelling on this project but sadly we broke her heart by not caving into her desire the .  The good news is we get to babysit some for friends while they go on a trip.  Win-win.

4.       Make-up.  10 year old Halie does make-up for HOURS.   She bought her very first "grown-up" piece of make-up with summer,  Cover Girl foundation. 

5.       Style.  This year also brought a new interest in clothing and style.  Needless to say her aunt Tiki and I, are both enjoying Halie’s newish love for shopping.  Sadly gone are the days when I can choose her outfits, or even clothes, for her. 

6.      Dolls.  As much as I’ve noticed Halie growing up and changing this year, she still has a sliver  of ‘little girl’ left in her.  She still enjoys playing with her doll, dressing her up, styling her hair and so on.  I just want to scream "hold on to your childhood as long as possible!!!

7.      Contortion & Gymnastics.  She is obsessed with contortion.  It began with her love of gymnastics and always pushing her body to bend, twist and flip in new ways.  Through watching  YouTube she developed an interest in contortion and her body does things that make my back ache by just watching her. 

8.      Reading & Academics.  Halie often will chooses to read frequently.  I noticed this change beginning over the summer while at the lake and it has continued.  Her teacher has given them a goal of ….books to read this year and she is eager  to achieve it.  Halie and her teacher really just clicked and her attitude towards school work is every parents dream come true.  I am not sure if it’ll last but I am loving it for the moment.

9.     Adventure Seeker.  The kid is scared to try new things but also seeks the opportunity to go for it.  She took on the rides at Disneyworld, though tearfully at times, and even went on her first adult roller coaster.  She also tried knee boarding, wall climbing and has learned to snowboard.  I think deep down she would like to eventually hit the terrain park with her snowboard which  may be inspired by the movie Cloud 9, similar to Out Cold for our generation. 

10.   Talking & Navigating Friendships.  Halie seems to have taken the direction of telling us everything that’s going on in the girls friends group.  When she was younger she often kept girl drama inside and her ability to navigate these situations was limited.  We had to work really hard in grade 3 and beginning of grade 4 to help her recognize when she was being manipulated and how to deal with these situations.  We now have a girl who shares  with us daily about school/friendships and who mostly navigates girl drama by herself.   We are so happy that she has wonderful friends both in and out of school.  

11.   Creativity & Art.  Halie has always liked art, drawing, pottery, and creating in various ways.  The calm and creative counter balances her more social/athletic activities.  Due to time limitations we weren’t able to continue formal art lessons during the year but she recently joined a painting class through our local community and is already enjoying it immensely.    

That's a wrap.  Halie has requested to have her friends at the cabin for the weekend for her friends birthday party.  They have a full agenda for them including make-overs, face masks, hair dying, movies, junk food and building a fort in the forest by our cabin.  Wish me luck!!!

First Day of School Outfits 2017 Style

I am back with a special first day of school addition with my mini-me's!  Halie (Gr. 5) and Anya (Gr.2) are ready for another school year tomorrow, well as ready as they can be.  I on the other hand officially started last week, but have been going into the office for a couple of weeks now.  I love the excitement of a first day of school/work outfits.  You are ready to see all the people you haven't had a chance to meet up with all summer, to exchange summer stories and to start fresh with new goals.   It's still fairly warm here so we choose outfits that can be layered.  Youngest to oldest, lets take a look. 

Disclaimer:  I let them choose their own clothes, gone seem the days when I could dress them myself.

Anya (Gr.2)
Anya is going into grade 2 with a positive attitude and is very hopeful to get Halie's old teacher that we all loved.  She is a spitfire, quick talker, sweet manipulator, ready for action and still loves to cuddle.  She recently purchased this Mal (Decendents) jacket from the Disney Store as her back to school gift from us.   It's an adorable, faux-leather, moto jacket and worth every penny.  Everything else she already had in her closet, skirt (Gap), polka-dot top (Joe Fresh) and these sweet little tie-up flats are a Walmart special. 

Halie (Gr.5)
I have been so thankful this summer for the time I had to spend with Halie.  She is in a time of change and I was so grateful that we had so much time to connect this summer as I know she is entering an age that is generally out of my comfort zone.  She is really into MAKE-UP and clothing.  At first I wasn't sure how I felt about it but I realized this isn't something I wanted to fight her on, so instead I embraced it and taught her to put on make-up so it's neutral rather than LOOK-AT-ME. Her favorite clothing lines are Jessica Simpson and Material Girl. My sister took her shopping at the Bay and she put two outfits together depending on the weather on the first day of school. 

 

Me
I purchased this dress on the internet while on a road trip (I was the passenger).  This beauty was a steal of a deal  for $17.99  from the Bay (sorry sold out).  I had so many complements on it, and several people said I looked Greek, bonus!  I think it's the way the stark white of the dress really pops against my tanned skin color.  And who doesn't just want to gush over these oversized bell sleeves. 

Dress:  Moonrise (sold out); similar top

I am also playing along with the ladies of The Blended Blog to answer some Back-To-School questions.

1.  Did you love school or hate it?
LOVE!  I am social so it was a great place to meet people.  I also had my ups and downs, but overall it was a positive experience for me.

2.  Start school before or after Labor Day?
I start before as a teacher/consultant and the kids start after.

3.  Wake up: eager beaver or slow poke?
EAGER BEAVER!  I love morning and often annoy my family with my morning energy. 

4.  Favorite breakfast?
I eat the same thing everyday.  Peanut butter, jam (sometimes I switch it up with honey), toast. 

5.  Favorite cereal?
Before celiac diagnosis, cream of wheat covered in chocolate chips. 

6.  School uniform or no uniform? 
Thankfully I can dress the way I want to. :)

7.  New outfit for the first day or no?
Totally depends.  We usually have some new things but I didn't grow up with a 'back-to-school' shopping trip and so my kids really don't either.  We might just buy one thing or create an outfit from what we already have.  Totally different every year.

8.  Walk to school or bus> 
Drive to work.  Kids walk.

9.  Backpack, tote, or messenger bag?
Lots of bags.  LOL.  When you are a teacher you always seem to be carrying endless bags.

10.  Eat school lunch or packed lunch?
Packed.  Leftovers preferable.

11. White or chocolate milk?
Neither.  Hate milk.  Unless you consider ice cream a milk group in which case I will take any color and almost any flavor. 

12.  Paper bag or lunch box?
Lunch bag.

13.  Favorite thing to o at recess?
4 Square!!!!

14.  Favorite back to school supply item?
Colored pens and a organizer all the way.

15.  Chalkboard or dry erase board? 
Chart paper.

16.  Regular pencil or mechanical?
Mechanical is so much more fun.

17. Homework as soon as you get home or after dinner?
Right before class. 

18.  Favorite after school snack?
hmmm......

19.  Favorite after school show?
Saved By The Bell

20. Favorite subject in school?
Math.  I loved worksheets and right answers.

21.  Least favorite subject in school?
Gym. I was very uncomfortable with myself in high school.

22.  Name of your best friend in high school?
Amber and Ashely were among them.  There were others but those two are still my closest friends.

23.  High school mascot type?
No idea.

24.  SAT or ACT?
Neither thankfully.

25.  Favorite year in school? 
Gr. 5-7 spent in Kenaston. 

26.  Class ring or no class ring?
NOPE.  I do remember them having the class jackets which were not my thing and honestly my family just didn't have the $ for that.

27.  Attend or not attend high school reunion? 
If we had them I would totally attend.  I'd love to see people and hear their stories.  Many of the people I went to school with are on FB so I can see them off/on.  More than that I would love to meet the people that I went to school in Bosnia with.  I would be fascinated to find out if they are still alive, who they became and just be in their presence.


That's all for today!  Happy 2017-18 school year all!